Time for a Relationship Tune-up? When's a Good Time To Seek Out Couples or Marriage Counselling?

Can you imagine what would happen if you never had the oil changed in your car, never replaced the muffler or the tires, or even washed it? In time your car would not run well, it would no longer look shiny or well cared for. The worst case scenario? Your car would plain stop one day and you would not be able to drive it.

Whether you are in a marriage, living together or dating, relationships are a lot like cars—they require care and attention. And like cars, they need tune-ups.

Unfortunately, some of us are more aware to the maintenance and care of their cars than others. And cars come with manuals and a maintenance schedule. Relationships don’t.

According to Dr. Marian Stansbury, here are some symptoms that point to your relationship may need a tune up.

Engine runs on after being turned off: If one spouse continually criticizes the other about everyday activities, the criticism probably is an expression of unspoken frustration with some other part of the relationship. If criticism continues after an incident has passed or is brought up again later, it shows that the issue has not been resolved.

Brakes squeal: Words of contempt are an indication that the relationship is deteriorating and the person saying them is feeling angry and blaming their partner for the situation.

Engine overheats: When one partner becomes defensive, it could mean he or she is beginning to build a wall to protect themselves from emotional damage as the relationship crumbles.

Warning light stays on: If one partner begins to withdraw from the other, the marriage could be in serious trouble as the partners start to emotionally separate.

Steering doesn't respond: If one spouse refuses to be influenced by the other or respond to their suggestions, it could be a sign that the partners are no longer connected in a mutually giving relationship.

Transmission stuck in neutral: Some couples realize they are leading colorless parallel lives with each of them functioning independently. Without connecting emotionally, their relationship will wither.

If any of these symptoms describe your relationship, you probably could use a tune-up with the help of a counsellor who specializes in couples counseling.

A relationship mechanic is available at www.barbaramulskicounselling.com.