Positive Ideas for Discipline and Managing Children's Behaviour

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be. ~ David Bly

As children develop and learn to communicate with family and friends, it is important for parents to teach the children how to behave in an acceptable way.

Children seek guidelines from their parents about what is acceptable and what is not, and usually imitate their behavior.

Most parents experience problems of disobedience as their children learn to be independent and may begin to resist them. Although this is a normal part of child development, dealing with these situations can be very challenging for many parents.

Even though children misbehave at times, they still want and need their parents' love and approval to develop as happy, confident and responsible children.

So, it is important to show children that they are still loved and valued but that some of their behaviors are not.

Children almost always seek their parents' acceptance in the things they do. There are ways that parents can help their children deal with the disappointments and frustrations they feel when they do not get what they want and there are techniques that parents can use to encourage children to behave in positive ways.

The purpose of discipline is to encourage rather than forcing children to do what is right....

Establish firm and clear rules. Rules should tell children what to do rather than what not to do.

Do you know that even us, adults, DO NOT 'recognize' the word "don't"?

Try this experiment... Find anyone whom you consider an adult. Let the person sit down, close his/her eyes. Now you tell the person, "Don't think.. never think... must not think... cannot think...DO NOT even try to imagine........................a Tiger."

Guess what pops right out of the person's mind? A tiger! Somehow, human brains focus on the subject, the topic, the action....

So when you tell your child .... "Don't run!", he/she hears "run!"

Try to say ... "Stop! Walk."

And when you tell your child.... "Don't hit your brother!", he/she hears "hit your brother!"

Try to say...."Stop, put your hands down. Ask your brother for the toy."

This has been working for me for as long as I remember...just avoid "Don't, never, can't, mustn't". Give the direction to do what is right, not instruct to not do what is wrong.

When you tell the child, "Stop!" doing what is inappropriate, you need to "replace" the inappropriate action with the correct behavior.

Don't just say..."switch off the Television, right now!" without giving another action to replace this.

Try to say..."Switch off the Television, right now, let go to the kitchen, I need your help to get dinner ready"

In this way, the child knows what to stop doing and what to do next. He needs direction, especially for kids below 5 years old, in order to give you his cooperation.

Children need limits to their behavior to learn what is expected of them and how they should act.

They may be unhappy and confused if they do not understand what is expected of them or when they see the rules as being unfair.

Rules should be fair, easy to understand and be backed up with consequences if they are broken.

Disciplining gets easy as the child gets older. He is more aware of the consequences of any misbehavior if you have been consistent in your responses to his undelightful action.

This means being predictable so children will know what to expect when they behave in certain ways. It is of little use to laugh at their behavior one day and then discipline them for the same behavior several days later.

Confusion leads to in-cooperation, hence leads to frustration. So stick to the rules which you and your spouse have agreed on. It may be a little heartbreaking to see the cute little eyes turned red, but its a long term prevention for future more serious misbehavior.

Remember, disciplinary measures need not be violent or physical when you understand why your child misbehave.