Forgiving Others

A prerequisite to steady and lasting love is the ability to forgive others and ourselves for mistakes we make when we are controlled by illusions, programming, fears, desires and impulses. When we cannot let go of what has happened, our present is overshadowed by the past and more specifically the negative or painful emotions and energy fields created by those events.

Forgiveness is the process of cutting the cord to the nonexistent past. Without forgiveness, we are not free to live the present. We are prisoners of our past and cannot love ourselves and others unconditionally.

We are the victims of our negative emotions

Feelings of resentment, which sometimes lead to disillusionment, anger and even hate, have a very powerful effect on our nervous, endocrine and immune systems. When such feelings also lead to feelings of weakness, helplessness and hopelessness, then our defense system is even more seriously impaired. Scientific studies show that the defense system is frequently challenged after the unexpected loss of someone or something very important to us. That could be a loved one, a job, our appearance, home, social status or anything else that is very important to us and the loss of which we cannot accept. In some of these cases cancer or some other immune weaknesses may develop.

Long standing resentment can be transferred into physical terms as arthritic or rheumatic problems. This transferal of specific emotions into physical phenomena is an extremely interesting field that will gain much more attention in coming years as medical science will be forced to investigate it.

When we hold on to resentment, anger or hate we harm ourselves. Those feelings exist in our bo. They affect our liver, our kidneys, our heart, our blood vessels, not the other's. They inhibit our happiness, not the other's. They limit our reality. We are harming ourselves with these feelings. When we feel hurt by some life event, such as the loss of a loved one or something else very important to us, what do we gain by holding on to the past, concentrating with bitterness on the injustice of life? Does life suffer or do we suffer?

A natural step in our creation of a loving reality is to forgive ourselves and others for all that has happened and move on into the present.

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The method - TAT for forgiveness

Having established the person and event you would like to work with and why you would like to get free from your negative feelings, you can now begin to employ the method.

Find a comfortable position with the spine straight lying or sitting. In order to facilitate the flow of energy while we go through this process you can place your hands on your body. This resolves the negative energy field while you focus on it. Traditional TAT suggests the thumb of the right hand be placed on the right side of the bridge of the nose and the middle finger of the right hand be placed on the left side of the bridge of the nose. The left hand is placed at the back of the neck where it joins the head. This creates a circle of energy in very important acupuncture meridians altering the energy fields of the negative emotions.

We have also experimented with placing the palms of the hands on the chest, and or abdomen generating an energy flow there, and find this equally effective. This has the advantage of being easier and less straining on the arms. Allow the arms to be as relaxed as possible by supporting them in some way - perhaps pillows. Choose the method you prefer.

1. With your hands in your preferred position, take a few deep breaths and relax. Now bring to mind the person and event. Think about what happened. Remember details of what happened - who was there? What did they do? What really bothered you about what happened? Remember how you felt then. See how you feel now. Do this for around 4 minutes. Here you can also employ steps 2 to 8 of the self-deprogramming technique, by allowing yourself to feel the major emotion, and welcoming it, allowing it to expand like energy or vibration. Experience the need at its source. Let go of the need and the emotion, accept light that heals the emotion. Experience your own inner self-worth and security while remembering the experience.

2. Now you bring the event to mind again but also bring to mind alternative perceptions of that reality that free you from the negative feelings. We want to combine the experience with a new way of seeing it - creating new associations in the brain and mind. Do this for about 4 minutes.

Some examples of alternative perceptions might be:
a. The other is the victim of his/her own programming, fears, needs, attachments and childhood
years.
b. My self-worth is immutable as an expression of divine consciousness. No matter what the
other says or does, I am worthy of love and respect as I am.
c. I am safe - it does not matter the other does.
d. It is the past and does not exist anymore. I have survived.
e. I have chosen as a soul to learn through this experience.
f. Life gives me only what I need for my evolutionary process.
g. I have the strength to deal with and overcome whatever life gives me.
h. This experience has made me stronger and wiser, better in the following ways...
i. The other was once 5 years old and was programmed by his / her childhood experiences.
j. The universe (God) has allowed this for some reason.
h. I am now able to protect myself. I am not a child

3. Now you can accept healing light and energy from the universe or God, allowing it to flow into the depths of your being, healing the causes of this experience and all tendency to repeat or attract it.
We have already understood that the causes of our reality are within us as past choices, present beliefs. emotions and behaviours, soul lessons that we have chosen and our unique way of making meaning, or interpreting what happens. We can now allow that light and healing energy to heal and dissolve all aspects of our being that attracted this in the past or the present. Allowing all need to re-experience this to dissolve. Accept being free from it - totally. Being free means not have emotions abut it anymore. Do this for at least 3 minutes allowing it to flow into your past choices, present beliefs and behaviors, into your emotional body, your belief system and soul body.

4. Now accept that same healing light or energy into your body and mind and allow it to heal and dissolve all effects this experience has had upon you. Start with your body and move on to your emotions, your relationship with yourself, relationships with family and friends, your work, your economic and professional situations, your sexual life, your spiritual life, your home and anything else that might have been affected by that experience. Allow the light to heal and dissolve for a total of at least 3 minutes

5. Now it is time to identify with the perpetrator. That could be the other person, or a country or group or nature or even God in the case of an earthquake, flood or other event for which we assume God is responsible. In the case where we are working with guilt, then we are the perpetrator. Imagine that you are the perpetrator and experience what he or she was feeling, believing or needing at the moment of the event. What was the actual driving force? (In the case of guilt, seek to understand what you were feeling or needing that led you to that action or lack of action.) Get a sense of the others reality that caused him or her to function in that way. Do this for about 2 minutes.

6. Now we cultivate understanding and compassion for the perpetrator (Or ourselves in the case of guilt). We experiment with feeling understanding and reconciliation. Eventually we play with the idea of forgiving the other and then if possible loving him or her as a being even if we are at odds with his or her behavior. By separating them from their behavior, we can feel safer in forgiving and loving them.
If we feel resistance we can notice what we feel and accept it and employ self-deprogramming for what we feel. Welcome the resistance, allow it to expand through out. Discover its cause, the need creating the resistance and accept it and allow it to expand. Now experiment with letting go, or dissolve in the light or simply experience inner self-worth, security and freedom and let go of anything you were needing from the other.
You can repeat this process prayer and over until you come to a state of inner security that allows you to forgive and love. If you still cannot, accept that and let go of feeling badly about not being able. Come back to it another day.
In the end you might want to use the frame of reference of being able to embrace the other with love regardless of what he or she has done. Then work with any resistance or fear that comes up.

7. In the last stage we focus on accepting and loving ourselves exactly was we are. Although the other may have been wrong and unjust, we may feel or discover that we also played our role in this situation and feel the need to forgive and reconcile with ourselves. (In the case of guilt, we now work of forgiving the other for his her part in this event.) If you feel any resistance to accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are, then allow yourself to feel that resistance and welcome it, allowing it to flow throughout your body and mind. Discover the need or fear that creates that resistance, accept it and let go of it in the ways we have already mentioned. Use this feeling of self-love as a reference point over and over until you are able to feel unconditional love and acceptance for all parts of yourself.

If you feel that there is still some residue of negativity towards the other or yourself, you can continue the process or repeat it or employ EFT for the remaining emotions.

For details on how to employ EFT for forgiveness go to: www.HolisticHarmony.com/ezines/ eft_forgiveness.asp or read it in the book Free to Be Happy.

(From the forthcoming book LOVE IS A CHOICE, by Robert Elias Najemy)
For more on this issue - by the same author:
The Psychology of Happiness
Relationships of Conscious Love
Free to be Happy with Energy Psychology